An announcement of an appointment made today provoked that thought. In reality the particular insittution would never have appointed me, but I was encouraged to apply. (I didn’t) It surprised me when that thought flashed through my head when I first saw the notification.
Did I want it to have been me? I’m not sure. If I think about it seriously, it is easy to answer – no. I don’t want to move.
Except I always want to move. Or rather, I am always intrigued by the possibility of the other place, the new possibility, the alternative path. I see an empty building and immediately think, “what would I do with that?” I see a post advertised and wonder “how would I do that?”. I look in a shop window and ask myself “how would that look….?”
I think it is a strength – an openess to new things, (which is not something I am often accused of!) a willingness to imagine. But sometimes I fear it is a sense of frustration with the present (whatever the present is) and an unwillingness to engage with it, but instead a fantasy of “the grass being greener”.
It couldn’t have been me. I don’t want it to be me. But it was my first thought. And it is worth noticing that.